The Wall: Getting Over and Building Up Your Self Esteem.

Recently, I’ve been asking myself series of unprecedented questions such as:
Who Am I?
Why am I made this way?
What’s this odd feeling — out of place? God! This family?
Do I have self esteem issues?
How do I overcome low self esteem?
And the list continues. –actually ends there, but you know what I mean😂. I had so many “Whys” with no answer till I hit the wall.

Looking through google for definitions and this popped up: Self esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am unloved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying “The self concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.

Shobb's
Shobb’s

Once I saw a paragraph of handwritten sentences attached to the wall in my neighbor’s daughter’s room, with a self motivational description of what she read to herself every morning before leaving for school and according to her, every night before she went to bed. “This is so nice,” I had thought to myself but never saw the need to ask why. Until I stumbled upon it again.

Sometime in December, days before the SlumArt program held, the night was filmy and I was just on the other end of the bed where sleep hardly visits a person, fiddling with my WhatsApp. (What I do when sleep isn’t giving me a foretaste of itself before consuming me like a lion grappling its prey for a killer bite) It happened that someone observed my boisterous status activity and decided to comment, and that was the inception of an elucidating session. I’ll be sharing that night’s lesson with you to learn also.

So, what defines you? What makes you unique? Why do you need someone’s input all of the time before satisfaction like sunset befalls you? What makes you feel you’re out of place, when in reality, there’s no such thing? What shapes your thought? I know you have some tantrum-driven answers that you’re ready to dish out but before you continue with a list of undefined definitives about yourself, read!

Yunno, listening is one very important skill set that we have in our society. In reality, everyone is talking, so how do you communicate? How do you bounce back when you receive a whiplashing speech for showing that you too are a human with defaults as others but it looks as though it’s the faults that you exhibit that grade your passage and defines you. So, what defines you?

Misunderstanding.
In relating with people, I tend to give off different vibes with different kinds of people so they see only what they want to see, without understanding that this person has different ways of being free and it’s not a weird personality, it’s just me! I was misunderstood most times and it was just enough to offset me, I barely could think straight because I wanted to fit in. At first I felt discouraged and then low self esteem kicked in ’cause I always had to explain my self to virtually everyone and the ones that got me were just like 2%😑.

Most times, when people look at you (or see you in all sense) they perceive what they want to perceive; they don’t really care to know or accept the person they are dealing with. Simply put, humans are not afraid whatsoever to bash your emotions and beat down your once unaffected ego. (They just know how to do it, and so well at that!)

But you know what? It got over after a whole lot of encouragement from people who didn’t even know I exist and a few really nice friends and family members. Who knows, I might have l gunner! (Not Arsenal ooo, you get?)  This was the breaking point and the real reason you see me as I am. I am that person who can go out of his way to please you, but would you for me?Before now, this defined how I treated people, but now with an understanding of “Self Encouragement” it’s different. It took process to see myself better; to understand that no one would if I didn’t spur myself on. So, I respawned with a knowledge: being my own encouragement as well as letting God define me is what matters. Getting this yet?

Be your encouragement
Be your encouragement

Accepting who you are in an environment that doesn’t appreciate you or even encourage you could be a set back. For a very long line of generations people lived in normalcy. This new generation is breaking from it –even from the womb. Everyone is different with new ideas and new booming plans different from the usual. But then what would life look like without challenges? –Bed of Roses.

Am I Me or Someone’s One;What really, someone’s pawn? We’ll find out at the long run -When this post is done.😁

You’ll have to know for sure whether you are you or just someone’s pawn. A seemingly crazy process due to some truths about yourself that’s worth finding out. Not what your parents want for you but what You want for you.

First step is knowing those changes on the inside, penning them down and looking on the bright side. There are various names these things are called, and who knows, you may just be what someone desperately needs; The you that’s to come out of hiding into the place of knowing and glowing –Manifestation of you!Begin by carrying out a research on yourself. This might even mean being in isolation for a while, mehn, you need this to last on the long run. Mum would always come to me and ask, “What’s wrong?” My natural reply, as always, “Nothing,” because this journey was mine to walk. If there was any help needed, it was to know more about myself by random discussions with her, My Dear Mum😘.

Then, determine what works for you; from environment, to people, to places you visit, to even the school you attend,..to see that those you need to increase your IQ are really in those places. Ask yourself questions about what you like, love, dislike, hate, irritates you, disturbs you, your weaknesses, your strengths, from what you eat to what cloths you put on; the kind of songs, music and dance you like. It’ll make you know that this is what I like and this is me… You may find out that you probably are a glutton or you are selfish to others and you never even noticed😏.

Pinning this is a mark of completing the journey called “Life”, but, it doesn’t end here.

My Wall
My Wall

The point of acceptance of your own self. This is the tricky part. Most people end up seeking validation from others because they haven’t even validated themselves ; they depend on the words of others. But you know, accepting yourself means: seeing the you that God sees not the you that people see (or the you that people want to see); Seeing through God’s eyes not the world’s🔮.

You do not change the human nature, it only gets suppressed or influenced. That suppression or influence that doesn’t get to you shows that what is inside of you is far greater than the suppression or influence. People like to change their environment, be it human or Statue to the way they want. If you give them will and power over you, they’ll take it absolutely and without complaints.

Rocking Chair. Individuals use the “stage fright” tag to make themselves free of human scorn, but then, that’s where you’ll remain.– not even an inch further.

God sees us all as kings while some see themselves as wretched hags, they speak the worst to themselves and even of themselves. Acceptance is a continuous process y’all. It’s not a one-time something, because humans make you feel less of your self each day. It’s up to you to take it to yourself daily till you master it and are able to stand as that object of virtue. Read Again!!!

You have to tell yourself DAILY what and who you are. I told myself daily that I was going to move and I did because I spoke it and I WORKED HARD ENOUGH TO MOVE.

Do you believe, broken pieces still write? Click here

Do you get my point? Now go over those questions I asked earlier. I’d love to hear from you! Got a different way of overcoming low self esteem? Hit me up!

Inspired by Odeyinka khadijat Adetola, C.E.O Verdad Patterns. A brand that qualifies not just the manufacturer but the consumer, taking every natural gemstone and making it into beautiful designs to fit perfectly in your wrists, waists, necks, ankles and ears.

Call or Whatsapp: 08163851956
Instagram and Twitter @verdad_patterns
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…Wearing the natural look is old but gold.

Author

Shobandedaniel@gmail.com

Comments

Ngozi
March 5, 2020 at 2:41 pm

Long but inspiring when you read with concentration( your whole mind )



March 15, 2020 at 11:46 pm

I do trust all the ideas you’ve introduced on your post.
They’re really convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too short for
beginners. May you please prolong them a little from next time?

Thanks for the post.



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